another battle closer

"Remember to give yourself a pat on the back at the end of every day,

because you’re another battle closer to winning the war."

 

Last night, I needed a million pats on the back. The past week has been more difficult than the past six months all rolled into one. The past 36 hours have been a different kind of horrible that I have yet to have experienced in this life. But in-between those horrible moments, there were moments of peace that I haven't experienced in years.

 

Everything feels like a jumbled mess of details at this point.

The story thus far goes something like this:

  

End of April  - He said he didn't want to be with me anymore.

End of April thru Beginning of May - Sobbed every day, all day, not understanding.
End of First Week of May - Found text messages to a girl he worked with. Found songs he wrote about her. Found Facebook messages to girls. Found something else that I had not disclosed to anybody up until this weekend.
First of June - Moved into my own apartment.
Mid June thru Mid July - He bombarded me, my family and friends with e-mails, texts, letters in the mail trying to do anything to win me back. I now know this was not an actual attempt to win me back because he truly loved me, it was all about finances.
Mid July - He finally realized I wasn't going to come back, got nasty, gave me the terms he wanted for the divorce. We negotiated ourselves back and forth through e-mail so that I would have everything in writing.
End of July - I put together a separation agreement per his terms, cut him a check, gave him what he wanted, he signed. I then filed the agreement with a complaint for dissolution with the court.
Beginning of September - Showed up for the hearing date, he showed up as well. He then walked out and said that he would not be complying with the terms of the separation agreement.
Mid-September - I filed a motion to convert from a dissolution to a divorce. The Court granted this and served him by certified mail. He accepted the service of documents and I heard nothing. The Court set a hearing date for November 12th.
This Past Wednesday - Received an answer to my complaint for divorce from him. 8 pages long, like a fucking diary - not a court document. All lies, all bullshit, all attacking my integrity. That night I e-mailed him and gave him one of two options. Option 1 - I hire an attorney first thing in the morning to defend myself as well as let out into the open what I found out about him during this process. Option 2 - He show up for Court on the 12th and give me the divorce that he directly caused. His response? Game on.
This Past Thursday - Retained an attorney. Put together my responses to his answers, went through years of texts/e-mails that support my answers. Proved all of his allegations wrong.
Sunday at 11PM - Got home late night, realized I hadn't checked my mail since Friday. Received a confidential letter from my bank. Rick had subpoenaed all of my bank accounts and they were going to acknowledge this subpoena and provide him with this information.
Sunday at 11:15PM - Lost my damn mind. No, really. At this point I lost my mind. It has been months of back and forth, months of me holding onto this information, months of me trying to just get this over with, to be civil, to not play dirty, to not give into what he is doing and I am done. I can't take another ounce of what he is trying to do to me. He has quit school and is dedicating his life to trying to take everything from me financially that he possibly can. You know, the whole just work hard and get ahead must not be an option for him.
Sunday at 11:30PM - Called and talked to Hope for an hour. Told her everything. The whole story. Made my decision.
Monday at 1AM - Went and filed a police report. Was there until 3AM. This was hands down the most embarrassing thing I have ever had to discuss with three men. Three officers. Me. It sucked, however, it was also a weight lifted off of me. What I had been holding onto, the most important people in my life knew and now the people who needed to know have the information.
Monday - I didn't fall asleep until 4AM, I was up at 8AM talking to my mom, Kel and Anna. Telling them everything. Spent the next few hours dealing with what had happened, preparing myself for what is going to happen over the next few weeks, getting things for my safety, contacting my attorney and advising her of everything.

 

Then I drove to Madison for a session. It ended before sunset so I had some time to go visit Zach's grave. I laid down on the grass and just cried. Cried for it all. How much life has changed since he left. Thinking about how simple life was those years ago when he was here. Missing him.
 

And then like that, I was calm. Now, today, I have done all in my power that I possibly can. The entire situation is out of my hands and in the hands of my attorney and law enforcement. The only thing I am left to do is keep myself safe and try my best to focus on my business, my job, my personal life and keep moving forward.

 

Got knocked down this past week, these past few months, now it's time to get back up.