Monday, July 29, 2013

like a story just waiting to be told

Life's timing is something to be admired. It's something that I have learned can't be planned, can't be guessed, can't be changed. Timing can be the most wonderful of and the most terrible of gifts. I am also learning that when it seems like the most terrible gift, it will turn itself around and give you the most wonderful gift in its place.

I wasn't planning for this to happen. I had these grand visions of single life, of being fiercely independent, spending my weekends with the girls, drinking, dancing, enjoying life and all that I could make of it on my own. And then I met someone. Yep. Met someone. We'll call him C.

Just in the short time I was on my own I had met people. Gone out, given my number, danced, a few random dates and hang outs but nothing at all serious. Nothing that I even gave the thought of possibly entertaining liking someone in any way other than to have some fun. And then there was C. And that's how life's timing throws you for a loop.

We had met briefly. Text non-stop for days, texting turned into late night phone calls. After a week of this we had gotten off the phone one night around 9PM so that I could finish some editing and almost as soon as I hung up C text me and said that he wanted to come see me (oh, and the places life puts you, as in C lives literally one mile down the road from me). This is where I had a decision - embrace my new life, be a little spontaneous and make some memories or be responsible, rational and work for the night and hold out another week until our first official date was planned.

I opted to be spontaneous. I told him that I would be outside of my apartment in a half hour. I grabbed my quilt, two to-go mugs filled with jack and coke and sat outside waiting. He rode over on his adorable-y vintage bike and we walked across the street to the park.

 
We sat down on the picnic tables at 10:30, in the pitch black with one simple parking lot light barely giving us some light to see each other and a cop car too close for comfort that I thought our first night together might end up in handcuffs for drinking in a public park.

We sat at that picnic table and talked for thirty minutes. He was so cute. The first person I have been fully attracted to on a physical level in a really, really long time. His mannerisms were adorable, the way he talked with his hands and seemed to get a bit shy when making eye contact for too long. It was our first 'real' meeting. After the week of non-stop conversation it seemed that there was already a connection and in the first thirty minutes it was confirmed.

And that's when the rain started.

And that's when this seemingly simple night felt so much like a movie. Like a story just waiting to be told.

It was not a soft, dreamy, pretty drizzle, we're talking the worst rain Ohio has seen this year. It was a downpour. We tried hiding under the trees and tried to use my quilt as a shelter but we ended up getting tangled up in it and I was in tears from laughing at how ridiculous the situation was. The rain died down for a bit so we went back to the picnic table. I sat on top of the table and he sat facing me. We talked for hours. Hours. And it felt like just minutes that had passed.

And then the rain started again. Even heavier than before, and this time, no sign of letting up. So we moved closer, put the quilt over us, his arm around me and just sat ...

In the dark. At 3AM. In the pouring rain.


When I got back inside I was soaked, head to toe. And happy in all the same places.

Life hasn't been quite the same since.

Timing can be the most wonderful gift.

Friday, July 26, 2013

rest your arms, rest your legs

So much has happened in the month since I last wrote. To summarize the past month of Rick, the consistent factor would be his trying to win me back. The crazy part of this is that it is equal amounts of trying to win me back while also saying horribly mean things about me and dumping guilt and fault onto me for this situation. It's not really worth investing my energy or time into writing it all out. I don't want to remember the words he said, the feelings he placed on me are enough to never forget.

The worst part of this was that I had to give Bella back to him. He wanted to include a custody clause in the final agreement and my attorney advised that it would basically mean that I would be forced to see him every other week so that he could have her and I would be dealing with him indefinitely. I miss my dog but I know that he will take good care of her and that she is back at her home with a yard to run around in. Her photos are still plastered all over my apartment and hopefully the heat of this situation eventually cools and I will be able to see her again.

Last night Kelly gave me some advice to just allow myself to be getting divorced. To allow myself to just be in the situation, feel it and embrace it. So I did. I smoked, I drank wine out of my favorite coffee mug, I wore my wedding ring, I sang Conor Oberst songs for three hours straight. I met up with someone later that night (we'll go into this more soon) and sat at the park and talked for hours. I allowed myself to be in it. I can't imagine my life without a best friend like Kelly to remind me just to stop and be when it's necessary.
Today he showed up at my work place to sign the final documents and take the ring back and the settlement I gave to him.
Thirty minutes after he left the office cheering, I got this text message. Mind you, I have initiated zero contact with him throughout the past two months. Lord Westfall, I will not contact you henceforth.
I am constantly surprised that a situation that caused me so much heartbreak, stress and uncertainty has turned into one of the best things to ever happen to me.