rest your arms, rest your legs

So much has happened in the month since I last wrote. To summarize the past month of Rick, the consistent factor would be his trying to win me back. The crazy part of this is that it is equal amounts of trying to win me back while also saying horribly mean things about me and dumping guilt and fault onto me for this situation. It's not really worth investing my energy or time into writing it all out. I don't want to remember the words he said, the feelings he placed on me are enough to never forget.

The worst part of this was that I had to give Bella back to him. He wanted to include a custody clause in the final agreement and my attorney advised that it would basically mean that I would be forced to see him every other week so that he could have her and I would be dealing with him indefinitely. I miss my dog but I know that he will take good care of her and that she is back at her home with a yard to run around in. Her photos are still plastered all over my apartment and hopefully the heat of this situation eventually cools and I will be able to see her again.

Last night Kelly gave me some advice to just allow myself to be getting divorced. To allow myself to just be in the situation, feel it and embrace it. So I did. I smoked, I drank wine out of my favorite coffee mug, I wore my wedding ring, I sang Conor Oberst songs for three hours straight. I met up with someone later that night (we'll go into this more soon) and sat at the park and talked for hours. I allowed myself to be in it. I can't imagine my life without a best friend like Kelly to remind me just to stop and be when it's necessary.

Today he showed up at my work place to sign the final documents and take the ring back and the settlement I gave to him.

Thirty minutes after he left the office cheering, I got this text message. Mind you, I have initiated zero contact with him throughout the past two months. Lord Westfall, I will not contact you henceforth.

I am constantly surprised that a situation that caused me so much heartbreak, stress and uncertainty has turned into one of the best things to ever happen to me.