i really hope i don't ruin this

"I think things are beautiful when you don’t plan them, and you don’t have any expectations, and you’re not trying to get somewhere in particular."

"My destination is no longer a place, rather a new way of seeing."

 

My new, current life mottos.

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Despite all of these new discovered feelings that lingered over from Sunday into Monday and now into Tuesday, C text me yesterday to say this his brother surprised his family and came home from Chicago for a quick visit. I found out yesterday around noon and had next to no time to mentally or fashionably (kidding...ok, only maybe half kidding) prepare.

 

I met his grandma, mom, brother, aunt and a few cousins.

 

His Grandma was the sweetest, tiniest lady you've ever met. She showed me all of her old photos and kept saying over and over "Sweetheart, I am 85, born in 1929 during the great depression. I would say that I've been depressed ever since but God is good. He is always good." She's adorable.

 

His Mom is beautiful. She has one of those smiles that puts you at ease and when she listens to you speak you know that she's taking in every word. She told me how much she loved my boots and C said when we left "My mom was about to steal your boots and run out the room" haha. You could tell that having both of her boys together in the same room with her meant the world.

 

His Aunt was so welcoming - gave me a big hug when I walked in and introduced me around the room.

 

I text Kel before we got to his family's house and told her that I felt like I was cheating on Rick's family. For almost a decade his family was mine and they knew me so well. It was so comfortable and easy and I always felt loved. Life is so strange.

 

It was so good to meet his family and see where he came from.

 

However, let me be real. I'm in a funk.

 

 Processing everything I'm currently processing leaves me with this overwhelming feeling that I am going to ruin things with C because I am overthinking EVERYTHING. I can't take my own advice to chill out. I don't know what it is that I need - probably just time to recover from everything that has happened. I wish that I could have met C a year down the road when I was emotionally healed from all that has happened. I really hope I don't ruin this.