nauseous

Tomorrow it's all finalized. The hearing is at 10AM.

Yesterday's wedding was just miles from our house and as I drove back to my apartment I kept thinking about driving by the house before this is all officially done. I felt sad, empty and wishing that I was driving back to our home just one more time. But I didn't. I talked myself out of it and instead drove straight to my apartment.

Seeing him tomorrow will be the first time that I saw him since I gave Bella to him and it will more than likely be the last time I see him again. Writing that instead of just internalizing it literally makes me feel like I need to throw up.

Mom came into town yesterday and will go with me tomorrow so that eases some of the anxiety, but overall, I'm dreading it. It's equal parts dreading and relief that this will all be over. That I can officially move forward and not be bound to him legally.

Nauseous.