maybe someday

"There is only the thing that happened, and how much it hurts, and how it ripples through the rest of the love you experience. I’m sure there are still days in which the last waves of what we had radiate through your most happy, placid moments. I’m sure they still have the ability to take root somewhere and rot out your complacency.

Memories have a way of doing that."

- Thought Catalog -

I find myself today really missing Rick's friendship. When I feel that kind of missing I try to dig as deep as a I can to make sure that it's nothing more than that and it truly isn't ever. I would love to catch up with him, hear about his life, grab a drink. Play with our dog. Tell him all about my new life and adventures. Have his company and be around someone who knew me inside and out for the better part of a decade.

Maybe someday.

mumford & sons

This past Thursday at 4:00 I got a phone call, did some last minute rearranging and drove 2+ hours through Ohio, WV and PA to go see Mumford & Sons live. Such a fun, spontaneous, much needed evening.

"How fickle my heart and how woozy my eyes,
I struggle to find any truth in your lies,
And now my heart stumbles on things I don't know,
My weakness I feel I must finally show.

In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die,
And where you invest your love, you invest your life."

 

today

Couch, cuddles, football and his greatest love .... powerade.

i chose it and it ran its course

"I needed to marry him and he needed to marry me. Our marriage wasn't all bad either. In fact, it was mostly very good. My ex-husband and I had many great, swoonable moments in our relationship and marriage too. He could be very romantic and genuine. He always made me laugh. He appreciated me and loved me in his own way. It was a relationship that I needed to have. I am happy that I chose it.

I chose it and it ran its course.

Life has such a way, doesn't it?"

 

http://lifesclassroom.blogspot.com

brave new world

As of the past few months I just can't get out of my own head. I'm in it, constantly. I'm always able to find a way to turn every situation, every comment someone makes, every look someone gives, every thought that I have into the millionth degree of what it really means. I'm guessing this is what happens when your life is turned upside down and you're trying to figure out and grasp what life actually looks like now. What this new reality means for me.

From the age of 18 on I knew what my life was going to look like long term. I knew I would be with Rick, that we would live together, get engaged, get married, buy a home, have babies and grow old together.

Now? Now it's just me. My job. My business. My apartment. And shit tons of freedom to make a million different choices to shape what my new future will look like.

It feels like a lot of pressure to try and shape this brave new world of mine and it's something that is constantly on my mind and then I get all in my head and if anything I'm doing doesn't feel like it could be permanent, or make me happy or end well, I immediately want to remove it from my life because I feel like I'm on a hard and fast path to get what I want and I need to do it as quickly as possible....andandand,

I need to CHILL THE FUCK OUT.

I talked to my mom for a long time last night and told her all of this, as her normal amazing self she simply told me "stop and just enjoy this. don't think, just enjoy the moments."

So this morning I ordered my first pumpkin spice coffee of the year and enjoyed it. I'm going to refocus on just enjoying the little moments instead of worrying about the big picture.

joy - the love that lasts no matter what.

 

"Love your sadness.

Sadness, I love you.

Let me give you a kiss, instead of my fist.

You’re heavy, but you’re so honest.

I should give you more credit. More space.

I’ll be grateful when you leave —

but I know I’ll be grateful that you came.

Sadness gives you the chance to be still with the most tender place of your being.

Sadness is an opportunity to deeply appreciate your losses and your longings.

Sadness brings you eye to eye with your desires.
Appreciation is fuel for change.

Love gives your sadness the energy it needs to move through you… so it can move on.

By loving your sadness, you’re respecting your truth.
And freedom always follows truth."

"Anyone in the midst of big change, take note: If you excavate one area of your life, you’re going to find diamonds and stones everywhere else. It’s stunning."

 

"Joy is the fiber of your Soul. It’s the stuff of your essence. And since you, your Soul, can never be annihilated, your access to joy never vanishes. Because joy is so foundational to your true being, every other state or emotion can rest on top of joy, it can accommodate everything.

This means that it’s possible to grieve with your whole heart, and still sense your joy. You can feel rage, and be aware of joy waiting patiently for you to return, and take deep comfort in that. You can get fired, dumped, dumped on, and pulled through the eye of a needle, and still feel held by the container of joy — the truth of your existence. When you see joy beside the agony, you have the keen vision of a Soul warrior."

"It has never failed that when I have been through the most heart-breaking passages of my life — betrayal, financial hardship, divorce, dreams dashed — the pain brought me to the floor of my being, and what was there to be found?: The simple joy of being alive. So cosmically basic it’s mind-blowing: the joy to be here, connected, animated, breathing, blessed, resilient, to be broken, to be open, to have what was, what’s left, what’s coming. The joy just to be part of reality. Happiness. Love it when it comes. Joy. It’s the love that lasts no matter what."

 

All quotes by the amazing and inspirational Danielle LaPorte.

country date night

Got dressed up, drove to the country, took a tour of some farms, played with baby piglets and ate a five course meal. Fancy, country date nights make for the best date nights.