brave new world

As of the past few months I just can't get out of my own head. I'm in it, constantly. I'm always able to find a way to turn every situation, every comment someone makes, every look someone gives, every thought that I have into the millionth degree of what it really means. I'm guessing this is what happens when your life is turned upside down and you're trying to figure out and grasp what life actually looks like now. What this new reality means for me.

From the age of 18 on I knew what my life was going to look like long term. I knew I would be with Rick, that we would live together, get engaged, get married, buy a home, have babies and grow old together.

Now? Now it's just me. My job. My business. My apartment. And shit tons of freedom to make a million different choices to shape what my new future will look like.

It feels like a lot of pressure to try and shape this brave new world of mine and it's something that is constantly on my mind and then I get all in my head and if anything I'm doing doesn't feel like it could be permanent, or make me happy or end well, I immediately want to remove it from my life because I feel like I'm on a hard and fast path to get what I want and I need to do it as quickly as possible....andandand,

I need to CHILL THE FUCK OUT.

I talked to my mom for a long time last night and told her all of this, as her normal amazing self she simply told me "stop and just enjoy this. don't think, just enjoy the moments."

So this morning I ordered my first pumpkin spice coffee of the year and enjoyed it. I'm going to refocus on just enjoying the little moments instead of worrying about the big picture.