fire starter sessions | session one

photo by s. zamil

I am making it a point to really take my time and answer the questions throughout this book as honestly as I can. I started off trying to answer them on a whim so that I could move on and devour the book, but I knew that the answers wouldn't be honest to my core. The answers below have been thought about and worked over and over, over the past few weeks. It might take me longer to get through this book but I'm okay with that :)

What are you intensely interested in? While you're at it, include your moderate curiosities.

I am intensely interested in people and their life experiences. How they feel about life, what they've chosen for their life, who they spend their life with, what they embrace, what they are passionate about, what makes them tick, laugh, love, cry, angry, curious, jealous and exhilirated.

I am intensely interested in traveling and seeing new places, exploring new cities, feeling any energy and culture that is so different from where I live. Walking around new places and exploring by myself, forming opinions and thoughts and feelings on my own.

I am intensely interested in love and how each person falls into it, nourishes it, cherishes it, grows and holds onto it.

I am moderately curious about spirituality and religion.
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You go to the best cocktail party ever. It's a life-changing event because you meet the most with-it, interesting, empowered people, and each of them can contribute to your career and interests in some way ... 

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Who was there?

I don't really look up to specific people - it is more personality traits, successes and failures that I aspire to rather than an actual person. If I had to answer this question with life stories - this is who would be there:

- Someone who started out with nothing and became fabulously successful personally and financially.
- Someone who had a life set out for them but decided to go against the grain and completely change their path.
- Someone who has been married for 25+ years and is still crazy in love.
- Someone who has decided to go about life on their own, as a single woman, and has made one hell of an adventure for herself.
- Someone who has left their hometown for a new city to live in with nothing waiting there for them.
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What kind of information did they share with you?

 Each of the above would share with me how they got where they are in life. And why. Why they chose the life that they did, because each of those lifestyles do not just happen to someone. They require you to make decisions and to consciously shape your own life.
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What did they ask you?

 Exactly what I asked them. Because the process of talking through your ideas and life with other like-minded people can, in my experience, help you to see your life and your dreams more clearly.
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How did they offer to help you?

 They wouldn't have to offer any type of help - listening to their stories, asking questions and learning from each of those experiences would be such great guidance in and of itself.
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What could you talk about late into the night with like-minded people without running of things to say?
After this weekend, I learned that the answer to this would be anything that involves passion. If someone is a passionate human being, whether they are passionate about art and life or cookies and milk - it doesn't matter to me. True passion is the most interesting component, in my opinion, to a person.
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I'm still thinking about these last two questions - I'll come back to them soon.

What activities make you feel really useful, alive, and strong?

When do you feel like a rock star, a gifted contributor, a very cool and purposeful human being? In terms of things you do, when do you feel most like yourself?

What do you want to be known for?

vivian maier | chicago history museum

I have this habit. I have a hard time just laying in bed, turning off the day and falling asleep. I'm on a computer from 8:30-5:00 and then come home and am typically on a computer editing/working from 6:00-11:00 or later. By the time I lay down, I need something to take my mind off of the day. 

Lately, I've been filling that time using my iPad and watching videos online about photography, photographers, the history of photography, different techniques. 

This is how I discovered Vivian Maier.

Research her. Watch the news special on YouTube that a local Chicago station picked up. The story is incredible and the lingering mystery about who she was adds to the magic of her images. If you're lucky enough to get out to Chicago, go visit the History Museum and see her exhibit.

After learning about Maier, my newest Christmas wish list dreams? A Rolleiflex.

 

 

 

all things go, drove to chicago, all things know

This could not describe my feelings toward this past weekend any more perfectly. It was filled with adventure, quiet moments, laughter, new friends, self-exploration and all things wonderful.

I am absolutely sure that these past few months have the been the best of my life. I am doing me. I am exploring all that I feel and just going on a whim. I'm turning those whims into what I want out of life and busting ass to try and make that life happen. I am the luckiest girl in the world to have a husband who supports my crazy dreams and need for adventure. Chicago has changed me.

Friday morning I woke up really early, waited to get my new iPhone and hit the road.

Got into Chicago around 4:00 and my GPS, as always, prefers the ghetto-alternate route and

re-routed me off the highway.

Lake Michigan legit looked like the ocean on the way in. I couldn't get over it.

Chicago, why must you be so pretty and tempting?!

After checking into the hotel, I didn't have any plans for the night so I decided to be adventurous and explore Greektown since it was my first time staying in that neighborhood. I got bundled up, stopped at Starbucks for a Pumpkin Latte and started walking. And then it started pouring rain. No umbrella. Soaking wet. So I found the closest bar and ordered a jack and diet coke. But, I was surrounded by a complete meat fest and decided just to embrace the rain and head back to my hotel.

Once I got back to my hotel I changed into comfy clothes and had a pretty fabulous evening of drinking and fun.

And then my weekend really started. 48 hours of photos, me time, fun time, new people time, music time, food and drink time, chicago loving time - every single minute of Saturday and Sunday were fucking wonderful.

Saturday morning I met up with one of my couples who are getting married in Cleveland next year but live in Chicago and did their engagement session. We met up at the Chicago theatre, moved to the Riverwalk and then over to the Art Institute + Buckingham fountain. I loved them. She reminded me so much of Kim, personality and looks, and I could have talked to her all day. She's also a PA so it was fun to hear what she had to say about being a PA and get an idea of what Rick's future will look like.

After the session I took a cab over to the northside and visited the History Museum to see one of my favorite photographer's work exhibited, Vivian Maier. I took a bunch of photos and will write about this experience more. It was breathtaking.

After the museum, I walked. And walked. And walked. I must have walked six or more miles just exploring. Visited small shops and explored the streets. Smoked. Listened to music. Felt the sunshine and the breeze. Grabbed lunch (the most delicious turkey burger everrr - it had grilled zuchinni and roasted red peppers on it).

Finally headed back to my hotel around 4:00 and got ready for my evening out.

I attended my first Meetup group in Chicago and had so much fun. I will definitely do a Meetup any time I visit Chicago from here on out. I met up with four other girls for dinner at Bandera on Michigan Avenue and had some strong drinks and a delicious meal - awesome conversation and lots of laughs. I will definitely meet up with two of the girls from that dinner again. Making new friends, on your own, in a new city is so refreshing.

After dinner, one of the girls came with me to the Riverfront Theatre to see Conor Oberst. I love that man. Performance was great, venue was great. Got out of the concert, taxi'd it to Lincoln Park for a quick drink at Matilda's and then went back to my hotel.

Woke up Sunday morning and got to spend a few hours with my favorite Chicago couple, Jonathan & Renee. They picked me up from the hotel and we drove me around to new neighborhoods that I hadn't seen yet and we took photos in the Warehouse Disctrict and Wicker Park/Bucktown. Loved the urban feel to these areas more than any other part of Chicago I've seen yet. I can't wait for their wedding - they are such great people; individually and together. The best kind.

Relaxed at the hotel for a little bit and then headed out for my last session of the weekend with Sara and Vince. Renee sent them over to me as they just recently got engaged - they are amazing. I have not had that much fun with a couple or related to two people more during a session than I have with them. We went all over downtown for photos and made a quick stop to Northerly Island - Vince shared his passion for Chicago and gave me all kinds of new insights to the city. After the session they took me to Sheffields for craft beer and dinner. Craft beer? Mind blown. I get it now, I really get it. I plan to dive into the world of craft beers asap. We talked about what they are passionate about together and separately, how both are so important. We talked about life and the city and relationships (old and new). We talked about beer, and their guinea pigs and my adorable Bella. I could have talked to them all night. A fantastically interesting couple who I wish I lived closer too.

After dinner I had planned to go see an Improv show at IO but after thirty minutes of looking for parking, I decided to say screw it and just drive around the city. I drove through the neighborhoods - all the way down Halsted, all the way back - took Vince's advice and drove the shoreway (so gorgeous at night). Smoked. Listened to Ani DiFranco. Listened to Conor. Listened to some Trey Songz and Weezy. Sang. Smoked. And finally went back to my hotel.

This was my favorite trip to Chicago to date. The past two times that I have been I went with my best friend. Which was amazing and a total blast. What was different about this time is that I didn't have any one to fall back on or rely on if I was bored or needed help. It forced me to be more interactive, to be more social and meet new people. It forced me to learn and explore the city in a way that I could not possibly see it with someone else around. I feel so much like myself in Chicago. The people that I met and spent my weekend with? Those are the kind of people I want my life to be filled with. I want to be surrounded by people who are passionate and interesting and up for adventure.

Damn I love that city.

Until next time Chicago.

last week

 I went to a Colors & Bottles evening with Chrissy & Mandy at Bottlehouse Brewery in Coventry and then we went over to Melt for dinner. Such a fun night.

 

I had lots of ridiculous conversations with Kelly and I can conclude with 100% certainty that my bestfriend is much, much funnier than yours.

I found this interview through twitter earlier last week and I love this photographer's response. "emotions like anger and fear ... being puzzled, jealousy, talented people ... knowing that I haven't even begun to make serious work yet, knowing there is more out there."

I was that person. I woke up at 3AM and ordered the iPhone 5. I am seriously considering delaying my trip to Chicago this weekend by a few hours in hopes that UPS will deliver it early in the day.

On Friday after work I met up with B at Summit to shop for her "third interview outfit" and we found out today that she got the job - so excited for her.

 

I photographed a wedding on Saturday.

 

I photographed a proposal and an engagement session on Sunday.

 

 

I met up with my hubs after the engagement session and we ate a really delicious dinner at Sweet Melissa's and then went home to watch Titanic in blu-ray. I was exhausted. It was a non-stop, very long but very wonderful weekend.

 

I spent Monday decorating the house for fall and cleaning. Bailey came out and lounged around for a bit and we did some house shopping together...and dressed up like five years olds.

 

Oh, and ya know, no biggie. Just e-mailing back and forth with a couple from Australia about flying to NYC next weekend for a session.

fire starter sessions | part one, mojo

One of my favorite photographers and bloggers, Becka Robinson from Studio 222 Photography and her blog www.lifeasanartistpreneur.com has recommended, more than once, that everyone should read Danielle Laporte's book "The Fire Starter Sessions." So I caved. And she was right. Everyone should read this book. I'm only through the first session but it is such a good read for your soul. I figured that this would be a great place for me to write down the parts that inspire me most and also answer the session questions. 

Shit's 'bout to get personal :)

and wordy.

"Self-doubt is so insidious that it not only renders us stuck in our lives, but it also actually weakens our ability to dream about what living unleashed would look like. And here's the thing: The mere act of dreaming is a vitalizing, life-affirming endeavor. As it turns out, using your imagination is very, very good for your well-being. Einstein believed that imagination was even more important than knowledge itself."

There are so many times that I doubt myself. That I feel like a complete and total hack with a camera. That doubt always manifests into thoughts of deciding that where I am right now is as far as I will be able to go. That people accept the work that I'm producing for them and more people want it. Even though I'm not even close to where I want to be. I have to stop doubting myself and let my wild, crazy dreams run free. My dreams of living in Chicago, moving my business there, is not the easiest dream or path that I could plan for myself when I've got it pretty good right now. I could make it much easier and simply live my life out in Cleveland with a small town business and be just fine ... but why let any doubts stop me from dreaming wild and crazy? Im'ma keep dreaming.

"Which path will have more free falls and heart rushes, more laughs, more daring?"

"Your way, slightly reckless, downright defiant, uncharted, seat-of-the-pants, make it up as you go, not a leg to stand on, what will your mother say? You could bomb. You could become so successful that your friends won't recognize you. (Your real friends always knew you had it in you.) You could break through."

Slightly reckless and downright defiant is what makes me tick. Doing things outside of the norm, flying by the seat of my pants ... only filling my life with things that make me feel alive. 

"If you want to access your full range of power, then commit to dreaming about your ideal life."

"Of course, tending to your deep wishes is not a matter of bodily life or death. Without passion, you can still make the rent, be a good guy, and limp along for lifetimes - as many of us do. You'll survive. But we're not here to talk about surviving or justifying just getting by. This book is an inquiry into what makes you thrive."

"Take Starbucks for example, they revolutionized the coffee business. Anyone who follows will be merely evolutionary. And evolutionary is good-it's solid; it can be quite fulfilling ... But revolutions! Ah ... that's the really exciting stuff. Who doesn't want to be revolutionary?! Which would you rather be?"

"Humans are gloriously determined to get what they want. We're ridiculously insatiable. We have a propensity for craving - ceaselessly. Buddhists, who are always trying to detach from this we=heel of suffering would agree: Constant craving can be a bitch. But on the other end of longing, there is some good news: your hunger will lead you home."

My hunger and insatiable thirst is absolutely traveling while meeting and learning about people. Their stories, their lives. Capturing it with my camera. Oh hunger, lead me home.

"If you're fully showing up for life, you won't be able to tell the difference between selflessness and self-serving because it feel so good to give ... or is it receiving?"

"Wisdom comes from embracing contrasting experiences: Lucky breaks and pounding the pavement. A winning streak and a dark night of the soul. Selling out and taking a stand. Wanting is all and walking away."

I have had so many people say to me, "wow, you really got lucky with that job", "you really got lucky with your business". All I ever want to say is, yes, maybe a little bit of luck was given to me, but I also busted my ass. The first two years of my business were a total nightmare. Working 8:30-5:00, shooting sometimes three sessions a week plus a wedding every weekend and editing until 2AM every single night. All while trying to manage my relationship, my home, my dog, my own well being. It was terrible. And I wasn't making anything resembling decent money because I was just starting out. With every area of my life, when I bust ass, 'luck' seems to find me. I love that Danielle brings up contrasting experiences with this - I have had so many winning streaks followed by the darkest of nights. Somehow, I always get back up and keep pounding that pavement. I hope this never changes.

"This I know to be true: we are craving to play bigger, to go deeper, to shine."

"I found out that there weren't too many limitations if I did it my way."

- Johnny Cash -

"The bottom line is this: If you want to make lots of really good stuff happen in your life, then that's really exciting - for all of us. If you want to earn a living by doing meaningful things, then that makes you exceptional. This truth is most evident: In seeking our freedom, we liberate our potential to accomplish incredible things."

"As people wish the creative spirit, we're obsessed with possibility. We live for the rush of turning a though - an abstract idea - into something real, tangible, touchable, readable, effectual, profitable. We feel empowered, generous even, in the making of our art. We have a practical indignation for mediocrity. We love to get things done."

Possibility is, hands down, my biggest motivator to keep going. I love this paragraph.

"Forget about good. Good is a known quantity. Food is what we all agree on. As long as you stick to good, you'll never have real growth."

- Bruce Mau, designer -

"If it doesn't light you up, you're not the right person for the job."

"I want my fortune to be who I am. I want it to be that easy ... I want the privilege of a lifetime, of being myself."

"Every admission about the things I loathed to do felt like a giant step forward for deeply ambitious humans everywhere."

"I began to notice I was attracted to eccentrics, crazy obsessive fanatics who immersed themselves in their creative worlds. I really liked people who admitted when they didn't know something, "Out of my league - no idea." What a refreshingly real response in contrast to my bullshit, empty-eyed refrains of know-it-all answers and feigned interest. Specialists intrigued me. Enthusiasts made me swoon. I wanted to be one of those Passionate People. One of Kerouac's "mad ones": "the one who are ... desirous of everything at the same time, the ones that never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow Roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars ... "

"A chilled out but insistent voice kept reminding me: "You didn't sign up for good enough in this lifetime, you signed up for awesome."

Who are you trying to impress?
Do not try to impress anybody. Do it for you. I need to stop thinking about other photographers at all. Focus on me, what I see and how I capture it. Work on embracing and sharing my vision. Work on figuring out what my vision is and fine tune how I see the world.

What do you have to force yourself to do?
Family sessions and little kids. It's not that I don't like them, but I absolutely do not love them. They don't make me excited, I don't love the images I get from the sessions the same way that I do engagement or weddings or even senior sessions.

What would you like to never, ever do again?

Someday, when I am full time photographer grown up, family and children sessions.

"A strength is what you do that makes you feel strengthened." Boom. So it's not necessarily what you're good at or what you're capable of - it's what makes you feel amazing when you do it."

"Masters focus on what they do best. That's how they become masters. They stay in their zone, and the zone is what feels good. Damn good."

Which is why I need to cut out the types of sessions that drain me rather than build me up.

"Can you remember who you were before the world told you who to be?"

I loved my high school science teacher, Mr. Haines. He was awesome, and the coolest guy around. I looked up to him more than I did any other man in my life at that time. When I had told him that I wanted to go to the Art Institute of Pittsburgh for photography, he straight face told me not to pursue photography. That no one else would tell me this, but life is not about doing what you love, it is doing what makes you money so that you can live a good life. And the kicker? I listened to him. It wasn't until years after graduating that I picked up the camera again. I should really write him a letter about that.

Also - on a completely shallow side note, I am pretty excited about finally wearing fall clothes again, and I found these gems at Target today as part of their new designer line for women (please ignore lack of makeup, yoga pants, undone hair and messy bathroom - it's lazy sunday around here):

new girl - girl crush

I know that I can't be the only girl out there who is crushing on Zooey Deschanel and her TV show, New Girl. But, none of my friends watch it. So, they are constantly bombarded with my favorite quotes from the show and all of the hilariously adorable antics of Jess (Zooey).

I probably said this line 20 times during my last trip to Chicago with Kelly ...

and I laughed every time ...

and Kelly stopped thinking it was funny by the 5th time.

“He’s from Chicago. That’s how people from Chicago say ‘Jess.’

Like ‘Bears’ and ‘Milk’ and ‘Let’s go visit the Sears Tower.” 

Hands down, the funniest TV episode  I have ever seen:

 

 Oh, and this one, too (meeep meeep):

 "That’s what I thought you were going to say.

That’s a very dumb idea, don’t do this."

- Nick

I plan to force feed New Girl to my friends ASAP so that I can talk about my girl crush just a little bit more than I already do and have someone else who "gets" it :) 

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Also, I found a new blog that is all sorts of amazing. www.jeremyandkathleen.blogspot.com.

The last post that I read ended with this:

"But get this - by choosing to blog about mostly positive things my life has become more positive. I've intentionally created adventure in my life because I wanted something to write about - I wanted a good story to tell. But guess what - by choosing to blog about adventure my life has become more adventurous. Through my blog I've come to learn that I can design my life. It's real and it's powerful."

I'm so excited to begin documenting my adventures on this blog.

i love my president

I watched the DNC last night with a puppy in my lap. I love my president.

 

 

I'm no longer just a candidate. I'm the president. I know what it means to send young Americans into battle, for I have held in my arms the mothers and fathers of those who didn't return. I've shared the pain of families who've lost their homes, and the frustration of workers who've lost their jobs. If the critics are right that I've made all my decisions based on polls, then I must not be very good at reading them. And while I'm proud of what we've achieved together, I'm far more mindful of my own failings, knowing exactly what Lincoln meant when he said, "I have been driven to my knees many times by the overwhelming conviction that I had no place else to go."

But as I stand here tonight, I have never been more hopeful about America. Not because I think I have all the answers. Not because I'm naïve about the magnitude of our challenges.

I'm hopeful because of you.

 

 

America, I never said this journey would be easy, and I won't promise that now. Yes, our path is harder- but it leads to a better place. Yes our road is longer- but we travel it together. We don't turn back. We leave no one behind. We pull each other up. We draw strength from our victories, and we learn from our mistakes, but we keep our eyes fixed on that distant horizon, knowing that providence is with us, and that we are surely blessed to be citizens of the greatest nation on earth.