dunkin

Kelly got a kitten. She heard him meowing outside of her office from the dumpster. She talked her work into letting her have the cat as a "therapy kitten" and they went for it.

Only Kel could pull that off.

I am completely smitten with sweet Dunkin.

 

She text this to me this morning.

 

 

waffles + wine

I needed a night like last night.

 

Got home, made waffles, ate them in bed while watching UP. Edited a wedding, answered e-mails and did a blog post. Took a hot shower, drank some wine. Both at the same time. Watched and fell asleep to When Harry Met Sally.

 

 

Most notable perks of living by myself so far:

 

- blasting music of my choice at any time of the day without judgment (let's be real, mostly rap);

 

- leaving my clothes laying around wherever I want because I don't have to be considerate of anyone else's use of the space;

 

- having an empty refrigerator and not feeling bad that I can't quickly whip up a meal to feed someone else;

 

- buying only groceries and drinks that I want;

 

- watching trashy TV (cue Kardashians and RHONJ) and not being judged;

 

- watching the same romcoms over and over and over, not having to add someone else's movie watching preferences into the equation;

 

- lounging around in the most ridiculous looking comfy clothes on the planet;

 

- wearing my hair in a ponytail on the top of my head because it feels so good to have my hair off of my face despite how horrible it looks;

 

- no bras. ever.

i really hope i don't ruin this

"I think things are beautiful when you don’t plan them, and you don’t have any expectations, and you’re not trying to get somewhere in particular."

"My destination is no longer a place, rather a new way of seeing."

 

My new, current life mottos.

---

Despite all of these new discovered feelings that lingered over from Sunday into Monday and now into Tuesday, C text me yesterday to say this his brother surprised his family and came home from Chicago for a quick visit. I found out yesterday around noon and had next to no time to mentally or fashionably (kidding...ok, only maybe half kidding) prepare.

 

I met his grandma, mom, brother, aunt and a few cousins.

 

His Grandma was the sweetest, tiniest lady you've ever met. She showed me all of her old photos and kept saying over and over "Sweetheart, I am 85, born in 1929 during the great depression. I would say that I've been depressed ever since but God is good. He is always good." She's adorable.

 

His Mom is beautiful. She has one of those smiles that puts you at ease and when she listens to you speak you know that she's taking in every word. She told me how much she loved my boots and C said when we left "My mom was about to steal your boots and run out the room" haha. You could tell that having both of her boys together in the same room with her meant the world.

 

His Aunt was so welcoming - gave me a big hug when I walked in and introduced me around the room.

 

I text Kel before we got to his family's house and told her that I felt like I was cheating on Rick's family. For almost a decade his family was mine and they knew me so well. It was so comfortable and easy and I always felt loved. Life is so strange.

 

It was so good to meet his family and see where he came from.

 

However, let me be real. I'm in a funk.

 

 Processing everything I'm currently processing leaves me with this overwhelming feeling that I am going to ruin things with C because I am overthinking EVERYTHING. I can't take my own advice to chill out. I don't know what it is that I need - probably just time to recover from everything that has happened. I wish that I could have met C a year down the road when I was emotionally healed from all that has happened. I really hope I don't ruin this.



another two years

"I am forced to delicately detangle everything. I am careful with the threads because I am using these same broken pieces to reweave my connection to everything without him. Mending the gaping holes in my life is probably going to be a long process. New dreams to replace those that have been destroyed? Those will have to wait. My heart can't handle that yet; it's still mourning all the dreams that will never be. I'll stick to the more concrete things for now. Like Oreos."
 

http://cuvikingadventures.blogspot.ca/

 

It was a busy but good weekend. After some relax time on Sunday with C at my place, we decided to stay the night at his house since he had to be up early. We were joking around and laughing when we walked into his building and he casually mentioned that if he decided to stay in Cleveland for two more years he was planning on moving to a different building up the street.

 

If he was going to stay for another two years.

 

That one simple sentence brought up so much that I had yet to think about and deal with. It changed my mood and instead of staying up watching movies, having a drink and laughing, I went straight to bed.

 

 

In that moment I was smacked in the face with the realization that my life plans are just that - my plans. It is up to me to figure out what I want out of my life and then go get it. I spent the last decade working toward a future with someone and now that future is resting only on my shoulders.

 

At the same time, I realized that anyone I meet will have the same future resting in their hands and their plans may be different than mine. And if that future is different than mine? Well, I don't know how or where it goes from there.

 

I've felt sad ever since.

 

a wave that rushes over you

 

Change is like a wave that rushes over you.

 

Often it’s exhilarating, bringing fresh perspectives, teaching you to look at life differently. It can be a fun adrenaline rush, pushing you to new places, making you feel alive with heightened senses…but like most good things in life Change has a dark side.

 

 Sometimes it knocks you down and tosses you about. Even crashing you into the rocky bottom, scratching you, and disorientating you so much that you don’t even know which way is up or down.

 

Oh Change, I embrace you with arms wide open even when you knock me over because when I get back up I have a new appreciation
for everything around me.

 

Summer Murdock

my three littlest loves

I spent last night with my three littlest loves.
 

These kids.

My heart could explode from love every single time I'm with them.

 

 

Because Ben is going down easier to sleep Anna said to only rock him for a minute and then put him in his crib ... but as I sat in the dark, with his blanket over my shoulder, head nuzzled into my chest and his little hands rubbing my arm, I couldn't let go.

 

I rocked in the chair with him and listened to his heavy sighs and thought about how much I hope to get to have my own someday. How the plan for my own children was so set in place and then so quickly pulled out from underneath me. Even if I don't get the chance to have my own, I'm so incredibly lucky to have two beautiful nieces and one amazing nephew that I've been able to rock to sleep for the past five years.

 

These kids, they have my heart.

get busy focusing on the good

So, life the past week and a half has been trying on so many levels. Very short recap of the bad: my soon to be ex is insane. Walked out of the divorce hearing. Harassed me via e-mails all last week. Spent the weekend e-mailing me beyond creeper status e-mails that were borderline stalker. I filed the conversion to divorce papers. He "hired" an attorney. He e-mailed me asking me to sit down and discuss what he wants from me financially.

Let me think about that.

No.

We had an open discussion already when we agreed to the terms of the separation agreement and dissolution. I gave you exactly what you wanted when it should have been the other way around.

Please get out of my life.

Now for the good:

Spent Friday evening with a friend. Listened to music, drank, ate pizza and made s'mores over my stove. It was pretty fantastic.


 

 C plays on a football league Saturday mornings so I went to the Cleveland Flea, shopped around, bought an old vintage magazine rack for my studio and ended up stopping and talked to a Jehovah's Witness for almost an hour. Why did I do that? Because I actually had time to. I actually had an hour to just say fuck it and sit and talk to some random stranger. So I did. Her name was Gail.

 

Visited my SIL, nieces and nephew. I can't get enough of these kids.

 

C came over later that night and we had big plans to go out and find a bar to watch the Mayweather fight ... instead we put on some music, poured some drinks and rented the match on TV. He was hysterical. Literally made us sit "front row" on the couch and went pretty nuts over it. The most surprising part? I was completely into it. He spent a lot of the afternoon showing me YouTube videos about boxing and Mayweather and other fighters and I was actually interested. Maybe it was the boxing itself or maybe (the more likely situation) it was just listening to C talk about it ;)

 

 

Sunday was insane. I had a senior session in the morning, baby shower in the afternoon and an engagement session an hour and a half away in the evening. When I got home I flat out crashed.

 

However, most bad ass, amazing baby shower I have ever been to. This is what happens when wedding vendors put on a baby shower:

 

Fully stocked bar (I had a grey goose and lemonade), fully catered, make your own lunch crepe station, huge dessert bar, flat screens with the Browns game on for the guys. It was amazing.

 

 

I know that the bad is going to keep coming my way for a bit while all of the details get worked out, so, I'm going to get busy focusing on the good.